In the Darkness, a Bottle of Vodka

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I remember the panic I would often feel when I reached for the bottle of vodka in the middle of the night only to realize that it was empty. The liquor store would not open for hours yet. Such dark times those nights were. Sometimes I forget that it wasn’t always like that way. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember that it’s been a good long while since those dark days and nights. I’m grateful that I remember the darkness and the shame at the bottom of those bottles. I’m grateful that I’ve no more need for shame.

In the Darkness a Bottle of Vodka

This is how it usually began
A time remembered
From the days and times of before
Nights and days I tried so very hard
To forget oh how I did try to forget
But there it was in the corner
In the darkness a bottle of vodka
My only hope for respite and peace
Just a little bit of rest and sleep
I drank and I drank some more
Until I could drink no more
(Or there was nothing left to drink)
I sank further and further into the bottle
Shame my nocturnal companion
Stealing joy and feeding regret
Shame became a heavy and painful
Garment that I did willingly wear
I tried to shed it time and time again
To put it away somewhere safe
Did I wear it for the too familiar feel
Or had it simply become part of my skin
‘Twas into the shadows dark I did retreat
Crawling on hands and on knees
Deeper and deeper into the bowels
Of that cave where oblivion called to me
Like a lovely siren song
Luring me further and further
Away from family and friends
And like all of those times before
The myriad promises made and broken
The only thing that remained an empty bottle and me
Each bottle and glass grown empty
Never enough to drink away all of this shame
Always needing more and more and more
Now my cup is often brimming with abundant life
Sometimes I’m tired and I do grow weary so very weary
But never for very long for I’ve no more need for shame

About the Author

Robert B. is a sober alcoholic in Madison, WI participating in AA and AlAnon at Fitchburg Serenity Club. He has been sober since April 21, 2007. He also began writing and sharing poetry on Facebook during his first year sober as part of his recovery from alcohol dependency, acute anxiety and chronic depression. He has found that creativity expressed primarily through writing poetry and playing various stringed instruments helped him heal and thrive.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Fran

    I am trying to contact Robert B., the author of In the Darkness, A Bottle of Vodka. I am an AA and I am the editor of the Suffolk County, NY AA bulletin where it will reach alcoholics throughout our county. It also reflect my story and I would love to use it.

    1. Robert B

      Thank you Fran. I think that I sent you an e-mail, but just in case, it is I’d be delighted for you to share it.

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