Another Point of View

One of the more difficult phrases for me in the book Alcoholics Anonymous occurs on page fifty-three. The verbiage made me feel as if someone were trying to sell me something. It wasn’t a drastic aversion but more that someone had rubbed my fur the wrong way.  The exact phrase is “. . . we had to face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn’t.” (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 53)

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A Life Torn Asunder

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Facing a harsh reality 13 years ago of a reality that I had created, filled me with hope-consuming shame. Until that point, I protected my denial by blaming a sometimes traumatic childhood, failed relationships, stressful career situations, being misunderstood, etc.

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These Masks I used to Wear

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Of late, I’ve been in several meetings where the idea of imposter phenomenon or imposter syndrome came up in more than one share. Now in my sixth decade of life, and second decade of recovery, I still feel the need to pretend, to hide my true self. Some of my earliest memories from elementary school are of feeling inadequate academically, athletically and socially.

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Living in the Present with the Past and With the Future

One day at a time. Living in the present. Be here, be here now. Useful AA and beyond slogans. But … But for me an impossible task. The idea, though attractive, evokes something akin to the magical thinking required of me by let go and let god. Even more secular oriented notions such as live in the present create a sense of hope that has proven humanly impossible for me.

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